10 Tips to Help Parents Support Their Teen
Building resilience through tough times is important. We've had our fair share of challenges in New Zealand–Earthquakes, Covid, economic uncertainty.
But what about our kids?
They live in a relatively easy world: our houses are insulated, food arrives by delivery, and Netflix is just a click of a button away.
How to you build resilience when life can be so easy for them?
Here's 10 tips from some of the leading research on resilience:
1. Adopt a Positive Attitude
Encourage your teenager to focus on the positives in their life, even during tough times. Teach them to practice gratitude by reflecting on three things they’re thankful for each day. This can be as simple as asking them about good things that happened at school.
By modelling optimism in your own behaviour, you can show your teen how to approach adversity with hope.
2. Establish and Nurture a Support Network
Help your teen build supportive connections with family, friends, and mentors. Create a home environment where they feel safe sharing their feelings without judgment. Encourage them to participate in activities where they can develop meaningful friendships, such as clubs, sports, or volunteering.
Strong social ties–and learning to lean into this safety net–is a crucial survival mechanism when life gets tough.
3. Cultivate Mental Toughness
Encourage your teenager to set realistic goals and break them into smaller, achievable steps. Celebrate their perseverance and resilience when they overcome obstacles, no matter how small. Help them see challenges as a normal part of life and teach them that failure is an essential step toward success.
By integrating these principles into your parenting approach, you can help your teenager develop the resilience they need to navigate life's challenges and thrive in the face of adversity.
Remember, adversity is one of the most normal human experiences.
4. Think Flexibly
Teach your teen to challenge negative thoughts and see setbacks as temporary, rather than permanent failures. Discuss ways to reframe their thinking, such as asking, “What can you learn from this situation?”
Stoic philosophy teaches us to look at any setbacks as an opportunity–people learn more from their failures than they do from their successes.
Research in children shows that people who are acknowledged for "working hard" perform better than those who are told "they're smart." Encourage growth mindset in your teen by celebrating effort and progress over perfection.
5. Embrace a Personal Moral Compass
If spirituality is part of your family life, involve your teen in practices such as attending services, meditating, or reflecting on life’s bigger picture. Spirituality or mindfulness can help them develop inner peace, provide hope, and strengthen their connection to something greater than themselves.
For non-religious people, getting your kids involved with volunteering or some other form of altruism will help cultivate a sense of being part of something bigger and more meaningful than themselves.
6. Stay Active
Encourage your teen to be physically active, as exercise not only improves physical health but also reduces stress and boosts mood. Whether it’s team sports, dance, or just regular walks, help them find activities they enjoy and make fitness a family priority by participating together.
Kids tend to model your behaviours, not your words (even if they might not change overnight!)
7. Practice Stress Management
Teach your teen practical stress management techniques like deep breathing, mindfulness, or yoga. Model calmness in your reactions to stress, showing them how to handle pressure constructively. Help them create a routine that includes downtime to recharge.
If you have a particularly active teen, sports like surfing, swimming, and martial arts can cultivate a sense of mindfulness and being in the present moment.
8. Embrace Role Models
Role models are important; they can be found in your teen's own life, but they don't have to be people they know. Share stories of resilient people—e.g. Nelson Mandela, Victor Frankyl—who overcame challenges. Encourage your teen to find mentors or role models they can look up to.
Some of the best mentors for teens can be adults one step removed from you as parents–your siblings (their uncle or aunt), or a close family friend.
9. Take Responsibility
Help your teen understand the importance of taking responsibility for their choices and focusing on what they can control. When they make a mistake, guide them through problem-solving rather than fixing it for them. This fosters accountability and self-efficacy.
Research shows people who believe they have control of the outcomes of their life are more likely to take proactive steps in their career, have higher job satisfaction, and are more resilient.
10. Develop a Sense of Purpose
Assist your teenager in discovering their strengths and setting goals aligned with their interests. This is where career planning can be valuable–people who work to their strengths are 6x more likely to be engaged in their jobs, and 3x more likely ro report having an excellent quality of life.
Help them recognise their strengths–and engage them–to deal with difficult and stressful situations.
In a world with air conditioning, more food than we could imagine, and your favourite music and movies at your finger tips, it can seem hard to prepare our teens for the challenges of adult life.
And we know that will experience setbacks, adversity, and even heartbreak.
But there are some realistic, proven strategies to help develop resilience in your kids–without having to send them to the army.
As a parent, you can help prepare your teen for the adult world.
If you'd like help them figure out what on earth they're gonna do when they leave school, email me: steve@nextstepcareers.nz
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